Ink & Sigil Read online

  Ink & Sigil is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2020 by Kevin Hearne

  All rights reserved.

  Published in the United States by Del Rey, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

  DEL REY and the HOUSE colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.

  LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

  Names: Hearne, Kevin, author.

  Title: Ink & sigil / Kevin Hearne.

  Other titles: Ink and sigil

  Description: First edition. | New York : Del Rey, [2020]

  Identifiers: LCCN 2019056896 (print) | LCCN 2019056897 (ebook) | ISBN 9781984821256 (hardback ; acid-free paper) | ISBN 9781984821263 (ebook)

  Subjects: GSAFD: Mystery fiction. | Fantasy fiction.

  Classification: LCC PS3608.E264 I55 2020 (print) | LCC PS3608.E264 (ebook) | DDC 813/.6—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/​2019056896

  LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/​2019056897

  Ebook ISBN 9781984821263

  randomhousebooks.com

  Book design by Caroline Cunningham, adapted for ebook

  Cover design and illustration: © Sarah J. Coleman

  Art direction: David G. Stevenson

  Title page: antique pen: iStock/InaSchönrock; flourish: iStock/Terriana

  Frontispiece illustration: Galen Dara

  ep_prh_5.5.0_c0_r0

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Author’s Note

  Chapter 1: Scones Should Come with a Warning

  Chapter 2: Item Number One

  Chapter 3: Don’t Be John MacKnob

  Chapter 4: Illicit Spirits

  Chapter 5: The Buck Stopped There

  Chapter 6: Renfrew Ferry

  Interlude: Water Bears

  Chapter 7: The Sigil Agents

  Chapter 8: The Grand Librarian

  Chapter 9: The Right Hat Makes All the Difference

  Chapter 10: Sometimes, Ghost Dogs Are Not Enough

  Chapter 11: The Oral Tradition

  Chapter 12: Homework

  Chapter 13: First Among the Fae

  Interlude: Fish Glue

  Chapter 14: A Dram to Build a Dream On

  Chapter 15: Sometimes, Ghost Dogs Are Too Much

  Chapter 16: The Train to Edinburgh

  Chapter 17: Lattes and Bugs

  Chapter 18: Ogres Wear Layers

  Interlude: Having the Gall

  Chapter 19: The Spy Who Mauled Me

  Chapter 20: The Weegie Goth

  Chapter 21: The Wizard on a Lizard

  Chapter 22: The Secret of Salsa

  Chapter 23: You Can’t Handle the Truth

  Chapter 24: The Secret Lab

  Interlude: A Very Good Dug

  Chapter 25: Threats and Biscuits

  Chapter 26: Get in the Van, Pour the Whisky, Melt the Cheese

  Chapter 27: The Rock of Gargunnock

  Chapter 28: The Corrupted Fae

  Chapter 29: The Dripping Deep

  Chapter 30: Curses and Blessings

  Epilogue: The Heist

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  By Kevin Hearne

  About the Author

  Some of the language used in this book reflects the charming and unique way Scots employ English, and some of it is specifically Glaswegian (or Weegie). Accents and pronunciation can vary greatly in regions of Scotland, and even though Glasgow and Edinburgh are less than fifty miles apart, their accents are quite distinct. The East End London accent is sometimes incomprehensible to Americans, so to give you an idea, folks from the East End of London sometimes find Glaswegians incomprehensible. I remember when Kimberly and I visited Glasgow and got a cab from the airport to our hotel. We felt absolutely terrible that we had to ask the driver to repeat himself several times, even though we were supposedly speaking the same language. We got the hang of it after a few days—you do get used to the vowel shifts and so on—but it can be disorienting at first.

  The written version of it can be disorienting too, so I want to provide a quick guide here. I didn’t try to be exhaustively accurate in representing the spoken language but rather wanted to give a general idea of its flavor. The narration and texted conversations will largely conform to standard spelling rules, but the dialogue will contain the words listed below, and I’m providing some pronunciations so that you can more easily hear it in your head.

  * * *

  —

  Ye is pronounced like yuh, or with a schwa sound, almost never yee. It’s used in place of you, with two exceptions: You is employed and pronounced as yoo for emphasis, but ya is used whenever calling someone a name, as in ya steaming gobshite or ya tiresome tit.

  Daein’ is usually pronounced with two syllables that rhymes with payin’, but when folks are excited or in a hurry a syllable gets lost and it sounds like dane, and this is in lieu of doing.

  Tae is pronounced like tee and is used instead of to in spoken language.

  Gonnay is just like gonna in informal English, but it is pronounced with a long a sound at the end, and yes, Weegies really do pronounce it that way. I’m spelling it thusly to make the difference in pronunciation clear.

  There seems to be a general aversion to saying the word not out loud, so there are several ways that Scots avoid that. All verb constructions like would not or did not become contractions and not is replaced at the end with nae, pronounced like knee. So she didnae say anything, or she wouldnae do that, or she cannae afford a yacht. Sometimes on social media you will see these spelled as didny, wouldny, or canny, which saves a character, but I’m using the older spelling that’s in wider use. In other constructions where the contraction cannae be made, the t will be dropped off the end of not, and thus you will see phrases like she’ll no ever come back or I’m no paying for ma drink or I’m no gonnay get in the van with ye, ya spooky serial killin’ bastard. Which means that ye will no see the word won’t very often, but curiously you’ll see don’t. (There are always exceptions to rules, eh?) Perhaps to make up for the extra nos inserted into their language in place of nots, the Scots often say naw instead of no when answering a question. And sometimes nae is used in place of no, as in the phrase nae bother.

  The th in the middle of something is eliminated entirely in the speech of many Weegies, and as a result the word is spelled and pronounced like sumhin.

  The English contractions ain’t, isn’t, and sometimes aren’t are written and pronounced like in’t.

  Sometimes in spoken language the word my is replaced with ma, more accurately reflecting its pronunciation.

  The word what in Weegie pronunciation often sounds like whit, so in dialogue you will occasionally see it spelled as whit. Wot is obviously a different vowel sound and a more familiar variation of what to many readers, and that is also used in places by certain characters.

  Head is pronounced like heed in spoken language and sometimes even in thoughts, but this is spelled as heid throughout to avoid confusion with the actual word heed. Likewise, dead is pronounced like dee
d but spelled as deid, so watch out: It’s the first word of the book.

  Police is spelled the regular way in written language and on the back of official vests and so on, but Weegies pronounce it like polis, sort of rhyming with bolus, and often spell it that way in spoken language and in their more colorful graffiti messages that encourage all passersby to FUCK THE POLIS!

  And in Scotland, a dog is often called a dug. Regardless of how it’s spelled, they are all good dugs.

  The surname of our hero contains a Gaelic spelling, so the Bh is pronounced like a v, and the i before the final s means it’s pronounced with a sh sound at the end. So MacBharrais is pronounced as mac VARE ish, emphasis on the middle syllable.

  Likewise, the Gaelic bean sídhe is going to be pronounced as ban shee (shortened and anglicized to banshee in some cases).

  A couple of Scottish slang terms for you:

  Rammy is a noun that means fracas or brouhaha.

  Gallus is an adjective that means stylish and impressive.

  You’ll also see the phrase and that in place of and such or and so on, as in “Angus had eggs, sausage and that for breakfast.”

  And in case you missed it or were unaware, the protagonist of this series, Al MacBharrais, did appear in the Iron Druid Chronicles in Besieged, in a short story called “Cuddle Dungeon.” I don’t recommend sharing that particular story with the kids, though.

  Enjoy!

  —From a flat and frozen landscape in Canada that looks not unlike the rest of this page

  February 29, 2020

  Deid apprentices tend to tarnish a man’s reputation after a while. I’m beginning to wonder when mine will be beyond repair.

  Fergus was crushed by a poorly tossed caber at the Highland Games.

  Abigail’s parachute didn’t open when she went skydiving.

  Beatrice was an amateur mycologist and swallowed poison mushrooms.

  Ramsey was run over by American tourists driving on the wrong bloody side of the road.

  Nigel went to Toronto on holiday and got his skull cracked by a hockey puck.

  Alice was stabbed in a spot of bother with some football hooligans.

  And now Gordie, who was supposed to be my lucky number seven, choked to death on a scone this morning. It had raisins in it, so that was bloody daft, as raisins are ill-omened abominations and he should have known better. Regardless of their ingredients, one should never eat a scone alone. Poor wee man.

  None of their deaths was my fault, and they were completely unrelated to their training in my discipline, so that’s in my favor, at least. But still. People are starting to wonder if I’m capable of training a successor.

  I’m starting to wonder too. And I’d like to have a successor soon, as I’m past sixty and rather wishing I could spend my time on sunny beaches, or in sunny gardens, or indeed anyplace where I might see the sun more often.

  Scotland is not known for its sunshine. The Highlands get two hundred sixty days of rain per year. But it’s no fun for people in other countries to think of us as perpetually drenched, so I believe the popular imagination has painted us with kilts and bagpipes and unfortunate cuisine.

  The muscle-bound constable standing outside Gordie’s flat in Maryhill and doing a fair job of blocking the entrance held up a hand as I moved to step around him and reach for the door. He was in no mood to give me a polite redirection. “The fuck ye daein’, bampot? Away an’ shite,” he said.

  “Ram it up yer farter, Constable. Inspector knows I’m comin’, so get out ma way.”

  Oh, yes, and colorful language. Scotland’s reputation for that is well deserved.

  My cane is in fact a weapon that a person of my age is allowed to carry around openly, but I pretended to lean on it as I pulled out my “official ID” and flashed it at him. It was not a badge or anything truly official but rather a piece of goatskin parchment on which I had written three sigils with carefully prepared inks. Any one of them alone would probably work, but in combination they were practically guaranteed to hack the brain through the ocular nerve and get me my way. Most people are susceptible to manipulation through visual media—ask anyone in advertising. Sigils take advantage of this collective vulnerability far more potently.

  The first one, Sigil of Porous Mind, was the most important, as it leached away the target’s certainties and priorities and made them open to suggestion. It also made it difficult for the target to remember anything that happened in the next few minutes. The next one, Sigil of Certain Authority, applied to me, granting my personage whatever importance the constable’s mind would plausibly accept. The third, Sigil of Quick Compliance, should goad him to agree to almost any reasonable order I gave next and make him feel good about it, giving him a hit of dopamine.

  “Let me pass,” I said.

  “Right ye are, sir,” he said, and smartly stepped to the side. There was plenty of room for me to enter now without contact and no need to say anything more. But he’d been a tad rude and I believed it deserved a proportional response, so I shouldered past him and muttered, “I pumpt yer gran.” He flashed a glare at me but said nothing, and then I was in the flat.

  The inspector inside did not, in fact, know I was coming. She was middle-aged and looked a bit tired when she swung around at my entrance, but she was a good deal more polite than the constable. She had decided to let her hair go grey instead of dying it, and I liked her immediately for the decision.

  “Hello. Who are you, then?”

  There was a forensics tech of indeterminate gender taking digital pictures and ignoring both of us, an actual camera pressed to their face instead of a phone or a tablet extended toward the victim. I deployed the official ID once more and gestured at the body of poor Gordie, blue in the face and sprawled on his kitchen floor. Years of training, his hopes and mine, all spread out and lifeless. “Tell me what ye know about the man’s death.”

  The inspector blinked rapidly as the sigils did their work and then replied, “Neighbor in the flat downstairs called it in because the victim fell pretty heavily and pounded on the floor—or the neighbor’s ceiling—a few times before dying. A choking accident, as far as we can tell, unless the tox screen comes back and tells us there was something wrong with the scone.”

  “Of course there was something wrong,” I said, looking at the half-eaten remainder sitting on a small saucer. “It had raisins in it. Anything else of note?”

  She pointed toward the hallway. “Two bedrooms, but he lived alone. One bedroom is full of fountain pens and inks. Never seen the like. Bit of a nutter.”

  “Right. That’s why I’m here. I need to send that stuff in for testing n’ that.”

  The inspector’s features clouded with confusion. “He didnae drink any of it.”

  “No, no. This is part of a different investigation. We’ve been watching him for a while.”

  “We? I’m sorry, I didnae catch your name.”

  “Aloysius MacBharrais. Ye can call me Al.”

  “Thanks. And you’re investigating his inks?”

  “Aye. Toxic chemicals. Illegal compounds. That sort of rubbish.”

  “On ye go, then. I didnae like that room. Felt strange in there.”

  That idle comment was a huge warning. Gordie must have had some active and unsecured sigils inside. And all his inks—painstakingly, laboriously crafted with rare ingredients and latent magical power—had to be removed. The last thing the world needed was some constable accidentally doodling his way to a Sigil of Unchained Destruction. I’d secure them and preserve them for later analysis, keeping the successful decoctions and viable ingredients, and destroying the rest.

  I turned without another word and went to the hallway. There were three doors, one presumably being the loo. Layout suggested that was the first door on my left, so I went to the second and cautiously cracked it open. It was his bedroom, and
there was a desk as well with a small collection of pens, inks, and papers—all for normal correspondence. I snatched a sheet of stationery and selected an Aurora 88 pen from my coat pocket. It was presently filled with a rust-colored ink using cinnabar for the pigment and a varnish infused with ground pearls, fish glue, and the vitreous jelly of owl eyes. I drew a small circle first to direct the effect at myself, then carefully but quickly outlined the shapes of the Sigil of Warded Sight, which looked like a red eye, barred and banded over with simple knotwork. Once completed, the sigil activated and my sight changed to black and white, all color receptors dormant. It was the most basic defense against unsecured sigils: I could not be affected by them until this one wore off—or until I destroyed it myself. It had saved me too many injuries to count.

  Putting the pen away and hefting my cane defensively, I kept the sigil in my left hand and crossed the hall to open the door to Gordie’s study. A waft of foul, funky air immediately punched me in the nose, and I wondered why the inspector hadn’t said anything about it before. It smelled like a sweaty scrotum. Or maybe ten of them.

  “Gah,” I said, and coughed a couple of times to clear my lungs. I heard titters coming from the kitchen and realized the inspector had left out that fact on purpose. No wonder she’d told me to have at it. Her politeness had been a ruse to draw me to an olfactory ambush.

  But I’d been wise to guard my vision. Gordie had far more than a few sigils lying around. The room was full of them, warding against this and that. The walls were lined with raw wooden workbenches and chairs, and cubbyholes full of labeled inks and ingredients glinted on the left. The main bench for ink preparation was opposite the door, and it was stained with pigments and oils and binders and held stoppered bottles of yet more inks. There was also a labeled rack of fountain pens and trays of paper and cards for sigils, along with sealing wax, a melting spoon, and a box of matches. Several cards pasted on the wall above the workbench had recognizable sigils on them for selective sight and attention that should make me—or anyone else who entered—completely ignore what was on the right side of the room. That’s why the detective inspector had felt so uncomfortable. She felt something was going on in there and most likely saw it, but the sigils wouldn’t let her mind process it. My warded sight made the sigils ineffective, so I had no difficulty seeing that there was a hobgoblin grunting and straining to work his way out of a cage placed on top of the workbench. That was a sight I never thought I’d see.